Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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