I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
