i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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