I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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