and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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