Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
