I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
