If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
