Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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