That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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