whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
