epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
