Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
