u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
