She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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