I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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