Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
