The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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