Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
