I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
