I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
