you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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