I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
