You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
