That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
