If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize