I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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