It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
