I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
