I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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