I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
