Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
