I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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