Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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