she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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