This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize