Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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