it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
