I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
