I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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