If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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