She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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