My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
