shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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