You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
