ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
