I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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