so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
