This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I enjoy the company of your penis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
