I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
