I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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