you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize