You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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