If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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