weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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