I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
