No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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