i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize