note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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