Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
