I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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