Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
