Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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