I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
