the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
