i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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