Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
