I need help removing her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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