It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
