Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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