It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
