You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
