They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
