just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Drunk is a universal language darling
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