Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
